We return to the hospital today for my husband’s test, and here I sit in the waiting room. The trauma of spending almost a month two floors up settles around me like a heavy coat in the hot Texas sun. I think of all the things I could do to avoid this struggle, to distract myself from the discomfort. I could count steps, watch a screen, run a few errands. I want to go somewhere, anywhere but here. I walk down the hall to grab a cup of coffee and make my plan of temporary escape. But escape doesn’t feel right, so I head back to wait. On the way back to waiting, words of the goodness poem come to mind.

Sit still!
and be satisfied.

I wonder what that looks like. Not the “sitting still” part because I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. It’s the “be satisfied” part. What does it really mean to “be satisfied?” I open my computer and begin to write this post. As I begin to type, he walks into the room with lunch and sits down. I smile and say hello. He returns the gestures and begins to eat.

He’s about the age of my youngest. Curly brown hair and dressed in dusty work boots. I type. He eats. And then the question, “Do you mind if I ask what you are doing over there?” I explain about this blog and he continues to question, “What are you writing about?”

Throwing caution to the wind, I slide my computer to the seat next to me and share the story of our recent hospital experience. How I am learning goodness cannot be defined by feelings or the circumstances around me. He opens up about the trouble in his life and acknowledges a few of the bad decisions that have brought him to this point.

I look at him and smile, “Would you call this good?”

“No way,” he explains. “This situation is tough, and cost me a lot. I am making good decisions now. Working and taking responsibility for my actions, but there’s still a price to pay. I’m not the same person I was then. It took all of this for me to change.”

Again, in almost a whisper, I ask, “So… is it good?”

Truth dawns in his eyes and he grins, “I guess it is.”

He finishes his lunch and returns to work. I sit and marvel at how full my heart is.

Perhaps I’ve received a lesson on true satisfaction. The kind that follows you home and inspires moments of gratitude for the rest of the day. It reminds me being satisfied is so much more than filling an empty space in me or escaping my discomfort.

Being satisfied is the fullness that comes from remaining present in the time and space I am given.

Satisfaction
true
heart-filling
gratitude-inspiring
satisfaction
is a gift
of Grace.

As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness;
    when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.
_{Psalm 17:15 ESV}