I’ve said some things to myself and sometimes others I wish I could take back. Especially when it comes to a season of change and the grief that follows. Things like:

“Everything happens for a reason.”
or
“There is someone in the world facing harder things”.
and my favorite
“God has a purpose and plan.”

These things are true, but not in the way I’ve used them over the years. Not in the “if I believe this then it won’t feel so bad” kind of truth. Which isn’t true at all.

When your life changes, no matter how big or small, there’s a season of in-between.

This is how I see the in-between, I call grief

It’s not linear or determined by a certain length of time. It doesn’t require weeping until there are no tears left, or waking up one morning and deciding you’re done with it. It comes after change, something you choose or something that chooses you.

The in-between follows great accomplishments and traumatic losses. It surfaces in the least expected and doesn’t appear when you think it will. At times, it feels as if you’re playing tug-of-war and getting nowhere. This isn’t true either.

For me, grief is
embracing exactly where I am in the moment
acknowledging whatever emotion is on the surface
asking a few questions
and allowing myself to be present no matter how long it takes.

When I ignore it, press it down, cover it up, it comes out in ways I don’t like or want. I often say, “When I don’t allow grief to have its work in me, it comes out sideways.” And let me tell you, it’s not pretty.

I think about the followers of Jesus waiting in the upper room. Trying to make sense of crucifixion and an empty tomb. The sorrow they must have felt when they considered how their lives had just changed. No longer would they walk the path with Jesus beside them in the flesh.

It must have been difficult to finally let go of the notion that Jesus would bring freedom from Roman rule, and accept their oppression would continue. There was confusion, shame, guilt, and unbelief. They shifted between great sorrow and great joy. Yet through it all, they were not alone. They had Jesus, though it looked different, and each other.

It’s the same for me… and you.

I’m not sure where you are right now, but I know change is a reality of this life. When you experience the in-between, I pray
you invite it in
give it a seat at the table
acknowledge what’s going on inside of you
and above all
know you are not alone.

May your in-between be a sacred place to catch your breath and trust God is right there with you. Amen and amen.

Is anyone crying for help? God is listening,
ready to rescue you.

If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.

Disciples so often get into trouble;
still,God is there every time.

_{Psalm 34:17-19 MSG}