This is the Gospel story. We were created to live in perfect relationship with our Creator, and along the way it got messy and messed up. We turned away from each other and God. We still do.

The sisters and I gathered to celebrate the youngest’s birthday. We’ve been sharing life’s joys and sorrows since grade school, when our mommas became friends. As I drove home, I kept thinking about what I said as we talked about the “good ole days.” I told them that even though this has been a hard season, I wouldn’t go back. I meant it in the moment, but I wonder… is it true?

This birthday didn’t feel like I expected. I thought I would celebrate. I imagined kissing this past year goodbye without any desire to look back. Because in the words of one of my favorite country singers, “It’s been a hell of a year…”.

I didn’t get what I wanted. Three months of work didn’t move the needle in our favor. It’s a bit frightening and even more disappointing. Before the “what-if’s” and “could be’s” begin to flood my mind, I make coffee and go to the quiet place.

I’ve had this song on repeat for months now. One that continues to draw me because I wonder if it is true. And if so… then what does it look like to live it?