Waiting to Exhale

I sit and listen as the one who is fighting the deadly disease shares her heart, her desire for all this pain to bring God glory, and the decision to forgo the only treatment left. We pray together, hug each other tight, and the day continues.

I sit at the table with tears welling and say to my grief-stricken friend, “My heart hurts.”

It does. My heart hurts for the sick one, the one seeking to find some equilibrium after great loss, the one wandering in the wilderness. Grief and more grief stack up like a pile of heavy rocks.

Lifting and carrying grief is a lot like picking up something heavy. It’s like the moment just before you lift something heavy. You bend your knees, get your hands in the right position, and take a deep breath.

Then you hold it.

Turns out I’ve been holding my breath. And while this may work for a powerlifter’s competition, it won’t empower me for the long haul. No matter how long I hold my breath, at some point I must exhale.

Here’s yet another “terrible truth.“

Following Jesus means having a heart that hurts for others. There’s just no getting around it. We carry each other’s burdens like a pile of heavy rocks, and in the hardest of moments we are left speachless. All words of comfort and encouragement fall short, and we’re left holding our breath.

Still… the holding cannot go on for long and perhaps letting go to exhale is prayer in itself. At least for me it’s a beginning. A way to hold sadness… let go of sadness — hold dis-ease… let go of dis-ease — hold pain… let go of pain. This prayer rhythm reminds me the very ability to breathe is a gift from the One who holds it all.

The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof,
the world and those who dwell therein,
for he has founded it upon the seas
and established it upon the rivers.
^{Psalm 24:1-2 ESV}

Want to practice praying with the Psalms? Join me on Discover God’s Way Podcast by clicking on your preferred listening place below. Psalm 4 leads us to a place of peace and rest as we move into God’s presence and exhale.