The sisters and I gathered to celebrate the youngest’s birthday. We’ve been sharing life’s joys and sorrows since grade school when our mommas became friends. As I drove home, I kept thinking about what I said as we talked about the “good ole days.” I told them that even though this has been a hard season, I wouldn’t go back.
I meant it in the moment, but I wonder… is it true?
If I were given the chance to return to my younger self and do it all over again, would I?
Would I relive my time in college, or when I became a mother? Would I go back just a few years before a house turned to ashes or a surgery left him with a weak heart? Is this even a question worth considering? After all, there’s no going back.
But I don’t think I would. Go back, that is. Because going back would mean unknowing what I know now, and I’m not sure I would give that up. The beautiful moments full of God’s presence, or the mysterious miracle of Grace, or the lessons I’ve learned that were forged in the fires of my trouble. I’ve been reflecting on those lessons recently.
So I offer them to you. A few things I continue to hold close in grief and goodness, loss and gain, good times and bad.
Even if it’s the energy to brush your teeth, find something to be grateful for each day. Practicing gratitude creates a soft heart.
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV
Let someone carry the mental and emotional load with you. This is a hard one. Because I’m accustomed to responding, “I’m fine,” when what I really want to say is, “I’m drowning. I’m afraid. I have this intrusive thought that keeps wandering about the fringes of my mind.” It’s humbling to bring what we believe is dark and unmentionable into the light.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
John 1:5 NIV
Say “yes” without hesitation. Say yes to the one who wants to rise early and bring coffee, or mow your yard. Say yes to meals, gifts of love, and the time and energy offered. Because when you do, you are saying yes to all the many ways God provides through others. After all, this is the truest expression of church.
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2 NIV
I’ve saved the most important for last. “Be gentle with yourself.” Give yourself the grace to be right where you are. Be weary. Be sad. Be joyful. Laugh. Cry. Rest when you can. Scream if you need to. Do what you can when you can. Let go of the high expectations, the “I should” thoughts, and imagine God’s gentle, tender, compassionate embrace. In my experience, God’s hand of grace reaches much farther than the grace we extend to ourselves.
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.
Isaiah 40:11 NIV
I’m learning these aren’t lessons I pull out when times get tough. These are truths to live by. Truths that are being woven into the very fabric of my faith. I won’t pretend I’m there yet, but grace, grace…
all is Grace.
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