This birthday didn’t feel like I expected. I thought I would celebrate. I imagined kissing this past year goodbye without any desire to look back. Because in the words of one of my favorite country singers, “It’s been a hell of a year…”. There’s been more ups and downs than a roller coaster, and I won’t pretend it’s been one iota of thrilling fun.
As I reflect on the last day of my 55th year, I recognize there’s not much left that looks like it did just one year ago. It’s the result of cataclysmic circumstances. At least, that’s what my friend calls it. By definition, it means destructive, and I’m pretty sure we all experience things in life that destroy the rhythm of our daily living in unexpected ways. Things like divorce, job loss, death, and illness. They arrive like an earthquake, shaking up life and leaving what was once familiar in a messed-up heap of rubble.
It reminds me of Job. The man in the bible God called righteous. He had a heck of a year too. Lost his children and everything he owned. Then his health suffered. He was left sitting in a pile of ashes, questioning everything he was taught and all he believed. His friends assumed it was something he did. Some man-made religious rule he forgot or refused to obey.
After all, God doesn’t let bad things happen to good people, right?
I believe Job’s response was courageous. Not because it caused him to turn his life around or set him on a course of heroic proportions. The scripture called him righteous before all the calamity came. What I find courageous is his willingness to pour out his very soul before God, ask the “why” question, and let his emotions surface.
Maybe a bit risky… but still brave.
Boy, did he get an answer. Not from his grief-stricken wife or his friends, but from God, and at first glance it feels like a scolding. Like God puts Job in his place with an onslaught of sarcastic questions.
“Does the hawk take flight by your wisdom and spread its wings toward the south? Does the eagle soar at your command and build its nest on high?”
While it feels harsh, when I look closer, I see something beautiful about God’s character. I see God reminding Job of who he is. I see God’s desire for Job to move beyond knowledge to knowing.
In God’s response I hear an invitation to deep relationship with the One…
who laid the foundation of the earth
and listens as the stars sing.
who explores the depths of the sea
yet waters dry and weary lands.
who hears the hungry cries of a raven’s brood
and provides the nourishment they need.
This invitation spans all time and circumstance. It continues to invite me to know a God so expansive there’s not one place he is unwilling to go with me. And you too, for that matter.
While it’s been a hard year, I sense a Job-like shift. A deeper knowing of the One I desire to love with all my heart, mind, and strength.
This year I’ve come to know the One who enters the messy rubble of my life and tends to the grief I’m not even aware exists. The One who draws me close when I’m weary and celebrates six small steps. The One who responds to my questions and sits with me in the silence. The One who cares less about getting an “A” in obeying all the rules and more about relationship.
Yes.
I knew God before this year.
But now, on this side of 55.
I know God even more.
I’m convinced: You can do anything and everything.
Nothing and no one can upset your plans.
You asked, ‘Who is this muddying the water,
ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing my purposes?’
I admit it. I was the one. I babbled on about things far beyond me,
made small talk about wonders way over my head.
You told me, ‘Listen, and let me do the talking.
Let me ask the questions. You give the answers.’
I admit I once lived by rumors of you;
now I have it all firsthand—from my own eyes and ears!Job 42:1-5 MSG
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