She kindly reminded me, as I shared my thoughts on the steps I am taking, “Be careful of comparison.” It stung a little. Okay maybe a lot. Because she was right. I’ve noticed comparison’s attempt to sneak in lately with thoughts that have a common word I’ve decided to remove from my vocabulary. That word is SHOULD.
In its varied forms, I am constantly wrestling with a litany of shoulds, shouldn’ts, and should haves.
I should be more patient. I should work on my self-discipline. I should know better by this age.
or
I shouldn’t feel this way. I shouldn’t go that direction. I shouldn’t say that word.
and
I should have seen it coming. I should have done that differently. I should have worked harder, tried longer, been better.
The more I listen, the more freedom I give the little critic inside to take up space in my mind, heart, and soul. Pretty soon I’m feeling stuck in the muck and mire of pride, condemnation, and shame.
I see it when I look a little deeper beyond my circumstances to the place where I have a choice in my response. I should statements lead me to choose my own steps, my own path in my own way. Before I realize it, I’m leading myself with an “I got this God” attitude and taking all the credit when I get there. Oh how easily pride becomes the very thing that causes me to fall.
Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18 NLT
Then there is I shouldn’t. The place where legalism rears its ugly head, leading to self-condemnation… and, worse, the condemnation of others! I think of the crowd of Pharisees with stones raised and ready to throw. All angry and justified by the sin of the woman before them. She’s caught red-handed with no defense. In the eyes of the legalistic, she shouldn’t be on this path. Condemnation is so heavy you can almost feel it. Yet, Jesus spoke no condemning words.
They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.
When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”
“No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” John 8:7-11 NLT
Jesus didn’t point his finger and say you shouldn’t nor did he stand proudly over her and say you should have. Oh how I pray she didn’t leave saying these things to herself. Because every should have thought turns us toward the places we’ve been and covers it all in shame.
I’ve thought about this for a while. Turning God’s story over and over to see if I have this all wrong. But so far I believe this is a word Jesus didn’t use. There were others who used them.
Like Peter at the last supper when Jesus shared they would deny him. I can just imagine Peter. All wrapped up in his thoughts about his dedication and love of the Messiah. Maybe before he claimed he would never deny Jesus he thought, I should say something.
I see the legalistic religious leaders heaping condemnation with all their I shouldn’t and you shouldn’t statements until any idea of having a relationship with the Creator is buried under the weight of it all.
I notice the shame of a woman drawing water all alone, the leper crying out “unclean, unclean!” and a hand reaching out to touch the hem of his garment. Perhaps all of them wondered what they should have done.
But Jesus. Jesus is different. Instead of should, he asks would. Would you take my hand and follow me? Would you like to be made well? Is there a different way you might go? Do you love me? Would you accept forgiveness? Will you shine my light? Walk in the Way?
If this is how Jesus speaks to us, maybe it is how I might speak to myself too. I think I’ll try it. I think I’ll toss the shoulds aside, and choose a different way.
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