You know those questions I encouraged you to ask in the moments of unexpected silence? The ones from my last post? (Here’s the link if you need a reminder: When Surrender Brings Balance.)
Well, they probably should have come with a warning. A sort of be-aware of what might follow when you finally answer them. It’s kind of like opening a can of worms. In most cases it leads to more questions. Questions that drill down a bit deeper to the heart of the matter.
Quite frankly it just doesn’t feel good to come face to face with my unsatisfied self. What’s even tougher, sometimes almost impossible, is completely letting go of getting my wants and needs met–when I want and how I want.
My desires aren’t necessarily bad or evil. Things like the return of a prodigal family member, a healed body, restored relationship, or better job. All seem to be biblically sound and good for me and those I love.
Yet, do I really know what’s best for me? for others? Do I have any idea how to determine what is best according to my limited eternal view?
The answer is NO.
Coming to terms with that,
letting go of what I think or feel is good,
takes full surrender.
Like Jesus in the garden of Gethsamane kind of surrender.
It leads me to prayer words I find in scripture like not my will but yours Lord or one of my favorites:
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24 NIV
My friend and I call these automatic-yes prayers. In other words, it’s a prayer that God always says Yes to, and it has looked so different than I imagined. Different that turned my world upside down.
Friend, there will be hard times.
Moments you think it might be better to turn back.
Times you’ll want to raise the white flag and lay down in the mess of your circumstances.
When it comes. Take heart. For this is exactly where you are supposed to be.
Yes. This IS exactly where you are
supposed to BE. Instead of muscling through or distracting yourself. Why not stay here for a moment.
Why not just be right where you are. right where you are supposed to be? Why not take a chance and see what happens next? And when you do, I pray you discover the art of surrender and you just keep going. You just keep surrendering more and more… all the way home.
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