It’s early. Like before the sun wakes the world and darkness hides what I want to see early. As I move to my prayer place I feel the dark covering me too. Because I’ve just returned from a trip to see family, and news of what’s been happening here at home feels heavy.

death…
illness…
addiction…
broken hearts and bodies and relationships…
the family member who has wandered far from us…

These all bounce around in my brain as I try to settle in my chair. I’m all antsy and stirred up. Wishing, hoping, wanting to do something. Anything that might relieve pain and bring order to the chaos swirling. I want to pray. Really I do. But what words do I use that reflect more of what God wants and less of my own motivations. Honestly, some of those I’m called to pray for I would rather give a piece of my mind.

This morning prayer is a battle.

I hear scripture words echo from way back when I was a youth director. Words found in the final encouragement Paul pens in his letter to the Ephesians.

Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

Ephesians 6:10 NLT

He goes on to describe what I’ve learned to be true. Life is a battle, and all that we face has more to do with our spirits than our bodies. It’s so easy to lose this perspective. to forget all this living is learning to trust God more and more.

I keep reading.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 6:13 NIV

I read these words again, and stop... after you have done everything, stand.

Before Paul describes the specifics of our full armor, he tells us why we are called to put it on. According to him we put on the full armor to stand. And he doesn’t say it just once. He says it twice. So it must be important.

It doesn’t fit with my understanding of war or battle. In my mind once I’ve put on my armor surely there is something to do. Like charge ahead with my sword in hand to slay the enemy standing in my way. At the very least, lift my shield to protect myself.

But this isn’t standing.

If Paul were sitting here today discussing this with me, I’m pretty sure I would be shaking my head in disbelief. “You mean I dress in this armor get-up every single day to walk out on the battlefield and stand there?” This just doesn’t make sense. It’s upside down. Backwards. A losing plan by the world’s standards for sure!

Just when I’m about to raise the white flag of surrender and DO something, even if that something is make the bed, I notice the tree outside my window casting shadows in the predawn light.

I love this tree.

She’s full of leaves and pecans covered in the fuzzy green stuff right now. In this moment when I’m frustrated about the standing, this tree is standing still. I mean not a leaf moving still.

I listen.
I watch.
I learn.

You see the Bible often compares those who love God to trees growing in every season with leaves that don’t wither and abundant fruit to share. Some are planted along the rivers and waterways. They grow deep roots into fertile soil, and provide shade for the weary and worn out. Trees produce the oxygen we need to survive. And when they die, what remains is still useful in all kinds of ways.

But you know what a tree can’t do? A tree cannot, in any way, shape or form, do anything but stand. Trees grow roots deep and branches upward. That’s about all the movement there is, and even this growth comes from the Creator who made it.

It’s official. This standing thing is a trust issue. It’s far easier to trust my doing than I leaving it all up to God. Doing is a whole lot better than waiting and wondering. If I’m really honest… He probably won’t do the something I want or in the way I think it should be done anyway.

I need a faith lesson from my tree.

So I watch and sit. I inhale and exhale.

I confess my unbelief. My desire for control. Being motivated by happily ever after endings.

I read a few final words and glance out at the tree once more.

Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

Ephesians 6:18 NLT

Movement catches my eye. The tree is moving. At least her leaves and branches are. As the morning breeze begins to blow, she moves.
And so I stand.
Waiting for Spirit to blow.
Discovering.
Standing is the only battle plan I need.